The impeachment hearings continue the theme of politics reminding me of my FOO situation.
Calling out what is clearly bad behavior on the part of a Member of the Club results in yelling, lies, spin, misdirection — anything to defend the indefensible. To shift blame from the person who did the bad behavior to the person who called it out, because that’s much easier and more comfortable than confronting the real problem.
Nothing makes that more clear than the R’s rabid desire to out the whistleblower. In their minds, THAT is where the problem occurred. No one’s sorry for anything wrong that was done. They’re just mad that it got caught, that someone had the NERVE to pass negative judgement on the Charismatic Leader.
And, it’s clear that the conservatives won’t listen to any kind of reason or logic. They won’t be swayed by facts or evidence. They will persist in believing that “their guy” is being persecuted, rather than simply being held to account. They will yell and wave their stupid signs and perform all kinds of hysterical theatrics, rather than admit one simple thing: THEY WERE WRONG.
All that is pretty damned familiar.
And whatever is driving the GOP to this extreme, toxic behavior clearly runs deep. I assume it’s kompromat of some kind, but is it money laundering? human trafficking? compromising sex? Who knows?
In the case of my FOO, I think it’s a refusal to face the reality that the excuses and rationales they were taught for 30 years, and have clung to for 20 more, aren’t actually true.
“If only SHE hadn’t been born, none of this would have happened.”
That phrase, or something close to it, sums up how I think my sister in particular feels about me, and to a lesser extent the other two members of The Triumvirate. “If only you hadn’t been born!”
It is where the thinking stops, and the anger takes over.
That phrase allows you to be mad as shit at the reality you are living, but it makes a serious error. It allows you to throw all your (justified) anger and emotions and psychological garbage about what is going on, onto an easy target (not justified). It’s a way to cope, but not a fair or healthy one.
But when all you know is how to blame — and the idea of blaming Mom, or god, or Dad (on whom they were suddenly entirely dependent, after having scapegoated him for so long) is too terrifying to contemplate — well, you gotta put it SOMEWHERE. And a baby is a pretty safe place to put it, from your own selfish viewpoint. No repercussions to yourself.
There might be some for the baby.
Unfortunately, the damage that is done by blame-shifting doesn’t come back to the blamer. The blamer will just shift THAT blame, too.
And now you don’t have to think about how Mom was mentally ill.
(Actually I don’t understand the resistance to this idea AT ALL. Mom being mentally ill explains a shit-ton of stuff that otherwise you have to jump through a lot of hoops to explain. To me, the idea is a relief, that finally everything makes sense. It’s truly never made any sense to me to deny it.)
The reality is different. Even if I had not been born, “it” still would have happened, in some form or fashion. Perhaps there would not have been a Divorce. But damage would still have been done, just like Trump would have been impeached sooner or later — because our mother was not a healthy person, and toxic people keep on doing toxic things.
I spent the first few years of my life watching my parents yell at each other. It’s one of my earliest memories of them together. Would it have been preferable to them if Dad and Mom had stayed together, angry and unhappy, forcing my two youngest brothers to grow up in that environment?
Because that’s some of the damage that happened, until The Divorce.
Of course, by that time, the Triumvirate were all escaping out of the house to go to college, so what happened at home wasn’t of too much concern to them. And that’s fair enough. What college freshman should be involved in their parents’ marital problems?
But there were still a couple of little kids left in that toxic environment.
So was it better in their eyes for there not to be a Divorce — as long as they didn’t have to live in the mess themselves? Because Catholicism, presumably. And this is the major reason I gave up on Catholicism: because it always puts ideology ahead of actual people. I have only ever met exactly one Catholic priest in my life who put people ahead of ideology, and I’ve met an awful lot more who didn’t.
The Church brainwashed our mother to do the same thing: if she hadn’t been Catholic, she would probably have had the medically recommended hysterectomy after her fourth child, and presumably my sister would have her wish: a family that doesn’t include me.
Well, she more-or-less has that now, and I hope she is happy about it, and also that she chokes on it.
Mom chose ideology over what was better for her and her family. And it eventually helped to destroy that family. My sister has chosen to cling to her grudge against my existence — rather than as an adult, re-examine the situation, work through the unresolved trauma and pain, and recognize the lies for what they were: a way to scapegoat me, and protect Mom, and later Susan, from having to take responsibility for their own actions.
I wonder if she ever wonders how it feels to have someone begrudge the fact that you even exist.
How it feels to be deliberately not included in your own family.
What does all that have to do with the impeachment? Not a lot, necessarily, other than the shape of the current situation.
Oh, and that the continued and unwavering support for Trump & the GOP that we see in the polls tells me that about 1/3 of our population has some degree of mental health issues or unresolved trauma.
Anyone who can look at the mess that is Trump & the GOP and think, “That’s fine, that’s normal” and cheer them on — rather than recoiling at the unhealthy performances being put on in order to protect a man who is clearly a narcissist — has some issues of their own.
But mainly, it’s the sight of hysterical, toxic behavior to cover up and excuse previous toxic behavior. And no hope of anyone ever changing.