I had an actual fantasy about my family of origin, in the sense of “remote from reality”:
Next on the Hallmark Channel: when a woman’s major house remodeling project gets stalled halfway through by an unexpected diagnosis of aggressive cancer, her five older siblings pool their resources and abilities to help their little sister finish fixing up her home before she dies.
It really might have happened, in a normal, healthy family.
Over the years, I have stated repeatedly, in writing, ON THIS BLOG, for my siblings to leave me alone, UNLESS anyone is prepared to acknowledge their behavior, sincerely apologize for it, and treat me respectfully going forward.
Leaving out the part where apparently none of them think they did anything wrong (!), at least half of them also don’t seem to understand that me having terminal cancer DOESN’T CHANGE ANY OF THOSE REQUIREMENTS.
I have no need to go crawling back to them, begging to be forgiven for being blamed for everything, before I die — no matter how much that might fit their preferred narrative. I am not about to pretend for their comfort and convenience that the past dozen years of them ignoring my absence from the family didn’t happen; or to pretend that I didn’t start to see the reality of their situational ethics and scapegoating of me when our parents died; or to be understanding about how they all said I needed therapy, and then decidedly didn’t like the outcome when I got it.
They, OTOH, seem to have a definite need for me to do something of that nature. I guess that would make a nice ending to the story. FOR THEM.
See the above for a very different, loving, healthy, respectful ending to that movie.
I am done with doing, or trying to assist with, their emotional work. I tried for many years, and +200 posts on this blog are proof of that. I no longer think they are actually capable of doing their own emotional work, but it’s not mine to do, either. Especially not with my limited time.
But not only will they not leave me alone; what I am getting instead is not to be believed. DARVO from my sister. Hoovering ** from brothers. I have now had contact from multiple siblings, through various unblockable channels (US mail, new phone numbers) graciously offering to pick up just exactly where we left off.
And that answer is still no.
** Lack of accountability: If the narcissist has treated you badly, hoovering might be a strategy to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By focusing on reconciliation, they divert attention away from the issues that led to the separation.