How do narcissists do what they do?
You have to be able to appeal to people’s biases and appeal to their sense of grievance and on a positive level appeal to their sense of hope and aspirations, even if you’re going to betray those promises. You have to be able to sell who you are to people, and people have to come along and lend you the power that you need. Or lend you the support that you need initially to attain power.
…tribalism in this case really is just narcissism, the grandiosity of the group… There’s narcissism of the individual and there’s narcissism of the group, and in both cases it’s essentially the same thing. We are better, we are more entitled, we are different or at least less interested in the people around us, or the tribes or nations around us, because we’re worthier than they are.
I think I just found a new phrase to describe The Triumvirate. I’ve said before that “some pigs are more equal than others.” Some of my siblings can be just fine on their own, but when the three eldest encounter the prospect of going against one of the other three — or in my case, going against one of their spouses — oh hell no, that’s just too difficult. Not even for an actual, flesh-and-blood sister.
There is a phrase I have heard all my life: “Well, the divorce was really hard on [brother #3].”
And, “The divorce was really hard on [brother #4].”
Never once in my entire life have I heard anyone say, “Well, the divorce was really hard on [me].” And I have confirmed this observation both with my husband and with brother #3.
So why exactly do you suppose that is?
Is it because the divorce really wasn’t hard on me? Anyone who intends to claim with a straight face that the divorce of a 6YO’s parents wasn’t hard on her can just kiss my ass.
The only other option is that we are willing to make excuses and cook up defenses for the behavior of brothers #3 and #4 — but little sister doesn’t get, doesn’t deserve that same defending from her siblings. No, what she gets, what she deserves, is all the fucking blame.
I hear what you’re saying. I too was the little sister. Seemed I always had to remind people that I had feelings too. Brother is estranged because he believes I got better treatment. Ya, mom yelled at me and layered on the guilt because I was special. I got the brunt of it because his feelings always mattered more. It’s a shame. I’ll never get beyond that wall he built and he’ll die justified with his principles.
I’m sorry Judy. Sounds like mom might have triangulated between you two to keep you from forming a relationship and being a team? Really sad.