I am certain that my FOO prays about all this. They probably pray for me to come to my senses, realize how horrible I’ve been, apologize to them all, beg forgiveness, and plead to be allowed back into their tribe.
Some are probably at least praying that I take this blog down.
They can pray all they want to. I doubt it will do any more good than all my mother’s praying did any good for the marriage. (I admit that Russia does seem to have been converted, but in the grand scheme of things that doesn’t seem to have done many people any actual good, nor does it seem to have brought about world peace, as promised.)
But as they say, no prayer ever goes unanswered.
So – is this blog God’s actual answer to those misguided prayers?
After all, the inspiration for it just kind of hit me one day. Maybe God put the idea in my head, and He inspires the very words I type. Mysterious ways, and all that. He is omniscient, after all, so I expect that He knows that in order for any healing to take place, my FOO needs to begin by listening to me, hearing and understanding, and facing up to what they are responsible for. And they need to recognize who is really responsible, rather than throwing all the blame onto one convenient scapegoat. They are too proud, and not humble enough, to admit that they, and Mom, might actually have a part in this mess.
Of course, pride is a sin, and humility its opposing virtue.
Pride (Latin, superbia), or hubris (Greek), is considered, on almost every list, the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins: the source of the others. It is identified as believing that one is essentially better than others… Dante’s definition of pride was “love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one’s neighbor“… [or, perhaps, one’s husband, father, or sister.]
Humility is defined as “Modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is a spirit of self-examination; a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with. The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult…”
As one of my friends said, “No one wants to have that conversation. No one wants to admit that they were shitty to a little kid.”
Another opined, “They have to accept, not only how they treated you, but how they supported their mother against you. That is a lot to have to come to terms with. Also, it’s very hard to say I’ve been wrong for 40 years.”
When you look at it that way, even God is going to have a really tough time of it with this bunch. Makes my failure to get my point across — well, not really my failure. Good luck with that one, Big Guy.