The Other Side of the Story

There is a recent article by an obviously narcissist mother about “boo hoo, my kids have cut me off and I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY!!”

The rebuttals on the article itself, and here, and here, are so incredibly validating to read.

She did write one thing that I can agree with 100%:

“When something, or more specifically, someone, no longer supports the view you have of yourself — get rid of them!”

I have at least one sibling who has opined, in writing, that my personal choices in life are “big problems” — one example is choosing not to have kids, when I have never, ever, had maternal leanings, and have known that since childhood.

Perhaps he thinks I’d be better off (no wait, strike that, it has nothing to do with his concern over my welfare)
Perhaps he thinks I ought to have made myself miserable, and then dumped that misery on my children. At least then I’d be in the same boat as him.

… if you are an unhappy, unfulfilled person yourself, you are not going to want other people to be happier than you are. The Dalai Lama teaches us that.

No, in contrast, I learned from our experience. My mother was distant, cold, and said awful things to my face — things that make people with normal mothers physically flinch.

But yes, she too was right about one thing: she once told me that I didn’t want to have kids because, “You had your own mother taken away from you.” She meant taken away by the divorce, and thus it was dad’s fault — I know differently.

Reading so many comments, seeing so many other stories that have things in common with mine — so much damage done by so many broken people.  So sad.

A couple of things in the comments on these pages really spoke to me:

Excellent remedies may be made from poisons, but it is not poison upon which we live. ~~ Voltaire

My mother’s mantra has always been, “If I was such an awful parent, why are you and your brother such happy, successful adults?”

The answer: “Because of Dad.”

Thank you, Dad.