Being told to “just get over it” is devaluing. It implies that I am making a mistake in processing an event. It indicates that something is wrong with ME because I am still confused about something that has not been resolved. The statement is emotionally abusive. And even when it is used in a positive context…there is a negative left over from all the abuse in the past.
WHY is it wrong to need to have something understood or resolved in the first place?
And of course the correct answer is, it’s not. But some people just can’t deal with the fact that I’m not actually in the wrong here.
Furthermore, people who say stuff like this don’t have any solutions; they don’t ever offer suggestions on HOW to get over it or deal with it, because they don’t know how either. They only offer devaluing and thoughtless instructions… I was not entitled to realize that I had been wronged. I was always the one who was wrong no matter what the situation was.
Until I learned that I do have rights, that I am as equally valuable as everyone else and that I AM ALLOWED to and NEED TO feel the pain of the past and get angry about it SO THAT I COULD “get over it” (which was how I did get over it)…