What do I want? I want them to OWN THEIR SHIT.
I’ve asked them to be adults, take responsibility for their actions, and do the morally right and healthy things.
And they’ve never done anything else I ever asked them to do before, either.
Maybe I have been looking at this the wrong way. I’ve asked them to take back their shit. They won’t do it, so I’ve been flinging it at them. That has helped, but it’s slow going.
What I need to do is find a way to abandon the shit, to process it, to get it off my plate, and that has to be a way that doesn’t depend on them doing anything.
I had a dream a while ago, which I already wrote about before.
In it, I was carrying around a wooden box, not heavy in itself as such but I could tell the contents were very heavy. And it seemed like I’d been carrying it for a long time. I finally put it down, and there was the suggestion that I was putting it down for the very last time, and that I was challenging, daring my sister to PICK IT UP.
It seems that every time I think I’m “done” with this shit, sooner or later it comes bubbling back up again. Closure never really happens.
Maybe it just takes a long, long time to process everyone else’s bullshit. A thankless damned job if ever there was one, but it seems like it’s one I am determined to do, if this blog is any indication.
Of course, if they don’t like the way I’m doing it, they are free to take it off my hands!